If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
