I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
