this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
