There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
