sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
