Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
