How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
