Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
