im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Duck Duck Cougar?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
