Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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