you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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