We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
