I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
