I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
COCAINE IS GR8
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