Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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