Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
