fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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