I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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