hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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