I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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