I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
