How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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