I cannot find my penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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