I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
