btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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