so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
