Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
