i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
