everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
