Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
