But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
