Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
