Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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