Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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