My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
