cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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