it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
