hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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