not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
