so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
