Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
