There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
