explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
