I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
