You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I AM VODKA MAN
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
