dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
