NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
