Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
