I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
