It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
