Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
